Fix Me Now!

   It's been at least 2 weeks since my last spanking. That is 14 days too long to go without a tender bottom. I'm feeling the burn, the emptiness, the ache, the yearn. Or maybe it's just that time of the month....But man, oh man, oh man.

   It's funny, but the more I need a spanking, the more I feel teary, weepy, depressed. You'd think it the opposite. That spanking would bring tears and not-spanking would bring happiness or a greatfulness--the greatfulness of being able to sit down without wincing (or in my case, of being able to stand up without wincing. Seriously, I think standing up hurts more, hours after a spanking. It  must be blood pressure or something....)

My vanilla ex and I used to argue about my need for a DD style relationship. I didn't want there to be that much DD, just a hint of control and some spanking. He argued that it was psychologically wrong and hurtful. That I'd become dependent on it, on giving up, on not taking control, on being submissive. It's times like these when I wonder if perhaps he was a bit right.


  A guy on a recent blog ( I can't remember which one, sorry, and haven't figured out linking anyway) asked the question. "Why can't she just ask for a spanking if she needs one?" He received much info on various bottom's perspectives, and I agree for the most part.
Most answers centered on the bottom not being in the right place emotionally to take control of the situation or of having issues of embarrassment, shame or being needy. I also add that it also feels wrong. If you are struggling you need to fix yourself. Anything else  seems needy in our self-reliant world.

"The day you ask me for a spanking will be a great day in history," College Guy told me not long ago.

"You'd really be okay with me doing that?" I marvel.

"I've been waiting for it."

"You have?"

"And when you do, I'll probably do some silly dance of happiness and then take you out to eat after I spank you."

With a promise like that, I know I'll have to give it a try. But for now, I live miles and miles and miles away from him. I want to ask for one now. I want him to fix me now. I have a new job I just started, new classes coming up. And I want courage now. I want to cry and cry and cry now.  Now, now, now, now.

Okay, so I'm hoping my rant made me feel better. Not sure yet.

We all have our struggles and problems, and mine are really not bad at all. If I were to try to count my blessings (which I certainly don't feel like doing at this whiny moment) I'd have a lot of them. Life is so often good.

So what do you do when life feels bad, when your heart aches for something that you can't have, when the lust creeps in, and all you can feel is the emptiness of want?

You keep on agoin', you look for good things to come, and you don't stop.

I think I'll give it a try. I'll give it a try, but ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, I want to be fixed NOW.