Vanilla Ex and Niko

I'm in that mood. Friday night, and I miss my vanilla ex. A lot.
Today, as I was opening my car door to drive home from class, I saw two students, arm in arm, walking to their car. I was just enjoying watching them walk, when he took his arm from around her shoulders, reached down, and gave her a good slap. I remember those days.
My ex had no conception of what that did to me. Yes, he knew I liked it, but did he know that I'd fall in love every time? And it wasn't falling in love with him, it was falling in love with my own dream, a dream of someone who'd punish me when I was out of control. Later, when I realized he could never do that, his playful swats only mocked me.
But I miss him. So much. Sometimes I wonder if being a spanko is worth it. But then I blink and remember that I love this lifestyle! I really do. I could never give it up.
But he was so awkward and cute sometimes. I had a fantasy/dream the other day. I was thinking about spanking/discipline dynamics. In my fantasy we were together, and in public, I was polished, confident, in control---with him being a bit more out of control, a bit more erratic. And then, in the bedroom, well, in the bedroom he was in complete control. But it's so not him.
Okay, all done. Ex-boyfriend subject has now run out of time. Time to talk about "other things".
The guy I mentioned earlier, the one I told to "Check the times now", has turned out to be a total sub. No worries, I didn't really learn this through experience, just through talking. It makes me feel a bit guilty though. I have two wonderful spankers in my life. I wish he had the same. He's been acting pretty depressed lately, and I know part of his problem. He just needs to be spanked very hard. It would help, I know it would.
I've been trying to drown my missing-ex-sorrows with spankingtube.com, Niko's videos in particular. Over all, I really like how he operates. Some of the sessions are a bit boring, but many are either amazing or hilarious. But I don't like how he shouts at girls sometimes. "Put your legs down!" or "Count!" "What do you say?" I understand how this mayt help get the reaction, but it's still a turn off. I don't think I'd yell back in the situation, but through the protection of my computer screen, I want to yell back.
Hopefully this weekend I"ll have something more to write about than my ex and Niko. I'm just not feeling very creative.


  1. This is such a poignant post. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Niko w spankingtube był twój ex ?
    Jesteś nazwę met ?

  3. soory, bed write, you are Pixie??

  4. Witam ~ ~ Blog bardzo dobre. Hugs