A Spanko-List and Sounds of Rumbling....

Everyone's unique. And I'm glad it's so. However, finding the spanking community, and becoming un-guilty about spankoness has been a liberating movement in my life. But I'm still glad I'm uniquely spanko--and that in this category, I'm still my own special brand. And so are you.

I've been thinking about a list. I like lists. So here's a list of 10 spanko things--things that make me spanko.

1. At the grocery store I work at, I'm at the cash register. "Put the dog food on the very bottom" a man says to his son, as they place it on the bottom rung of a grocery cart. But I cringe as I hear "bare bottom". I know , I know, it's a stretch....but I heard it.
2. My family hired a man to fix something on our house. He may have been using a nail gun, or maybe it was just a hammer. But the sounds came loud and clear through my closed bedroom door as I lay on my bed, listening to the slamming, violent sounds, mind filled with images, body tensing in enjoyment.
3. I check out other female's butts more than some straight guys probably do.
4. One of the greatest things about R&B is the rhythm/ beat. It sounds like a spanking beat to me.
5. I had a fear-crush on every principal I've had in junior high and high school--also on every Dean of Students in college.
6. When I was eleven my little bro and I offered our kind services to our mother in making her a paddle. She politely declined. She probably should have been slightly concerned.
7. Besides being spanked for the obvious reasons as a child and for adult reasons as an adult (best reasons), I've also coerced two different girls to spank me when I was in elementary school.
8. I remember waking up one day (around age 12 or 13) and thinking, "I'm never going to be spanked again; I'm too old." It felt like I'd reached 95, and my life was over.
9. One of the top things I fear most in the whole world is Pain. And one of the most interesting things to me is also Pain. As a moth to the flame.
10. There's an in-built part of my brain that keeps track of potential implements lying around in my house or friend's houses. Just today my roommate left an old belt lying on the kitchen counter. I can never resist trying things like that out a little bit.

Okay, so that's 10. I'll stop now.

I'm leaving for College Guy's house tomorrow morning at 6 am. It's a long drive. But it shall be so worth it. We have some plans, but a lot of the time is going to be filled with spontaneity.
Friday night I'm going to get spanked, and spanked very hard. (Wow, that's day after tomorrow!!!!) The summer has been long and fun, but it had it's moments of severe mistakes. Mistakes for which my bottom will pay. I can't wait.

I'm an extremely fortunate girl. I have two spankers. This is hard on both of them, I know, but especially hard on College Guy. I don't like to put myself in his shoes, to try to feel a part of what he must feel. I'd rather continue feeling what I feel--pure enjoyment and pleasure at being intimately connected with the two spankers in my life. College Guy has his moments of annoyance at the way things are, but for the most part, he is handling it better then so many others ever would. I'm an extremely fortunate girl.

I didn't know College Guy was going to read my "So Hard to Say I'm Sorry" blog. But he did. I was hoping he'd read it later, since he'd told me before I left to see My Magician, "Bonnie-jo, be careful this time. This is not a time to test your limits with him." And I didn't test limits, but I did test. I did push. I wanted to so badly. So I did.

So College Guy called me last night.

"How are you?" I ask.
"I'm awesome. I just read your blog."
"Oh.... Oh, you did?"
"Yes."
"So, uh....That's..cool."
"Yes, and you know what I thought when I was done?"
"What?"
"I read the whole thing, and it made me smile, and I thought, this is why I'm dating her."
I'm stunned . "Really?"
"Really, really."
"So you're not mad I pushed him? That I tried to make him spank me really hard?"
"Nope. I thought about pretending to be." He chuckles. "But no, I'm not." He pauses. A different tone comes over his voice. "You know the part you wrote about me though, about being sorry? Or in your case, not being sorry?"
I wince. "Yes."
"I've been thinking a lot about that."
"Oh. That's good, or...maybe it's not."
He pauses, letting me squirm and wonder what he's thinking. Then he says, "Do you remember the word you used in the paragraph about not being sorry with me?"
"No."
"I've been thinking a lot about that word. I think it's a great word."
"Oh."
"See if you can guess it. It starts with a "b"."
I think. Then I know. It's when I said "He hasn't broken me yet."
"Okay, I know what you're thinking of." I say. I don't say the word itself because my roommate is in the room, and I'm suddenly squirming around on the couch, a certain look on my face. And I'm way too shy to so say the word in front of her. I'm making enough of a scene already.

He didn't promise anything. He didn't say, "That's what's going to happen, Bonnie-jo. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to break you. " If he'd said that, I might have died of ecstasy right then and there.

No, he didn't promise. He left it at that. He brought up the word. Then he left it sitting there, and moved on to talk of other things. But the storm is rumbling. The lion is growing restless. The pot is beginning to show little bubbles that will soon begin to rise.

It's only two nights away.