First it is fear of failure, that she can't make the grade, can't do what is expected. As consolation to her fear, she thinks of him. Of him dragging her over his lap, of harsh blows and words, of tears and cuddles and new resolve at the end. But thinking of this brings her back to her predicament, what if she does fail? She must be spanked so that she won't fail. Or is it that she must be spanked or she will fail? "I need a spanking so that I can be sane...." the thought becomes. "Oh no, " the sister thought replies, "You must not fail all on your own. You don't NEED anything. " She feels guilty beause she is now thinking of spanking and how it will make her life livable, how it will keep her on the straight and narrow.
But what if she fails him? What if she needs this too often, this bad-girl spanking that makes her a good girl again? What if she's too much to handle?
The fear becomes greater than any resolve. She's too afraid to try anymore. Or too lazy? She doesn't even know.
He's given her tasks and she refuses to do them. Is it that she can't or she won't? She doesn't even know. It doesn't feel like a test....more like a tunnel she's falling into. Inside that tunnel are all the fears, questions, and self-deprecation. She feels dirty, and she thinks of him, of him spanking her, pulling her hair, slapping her face.
She touches herself. She's still not getting the tasks done. Why must he be so far away? Why can't he spank her now? If he spanked her now would it fix things or would it make it worse? Is this addiction...is this heaven...is this hell...?
She doesn't know. But she just can't be a good girl. Can't or won't.
But what if she fails him? What if she needs this too often, this bad-girl spanking that makes her a good girl again? What if she's too much to handle?
The fear becomes greater than any resolve. She's too afraid to try anymore. Or too lazy? She doesn't even know.
He's given her tasks and she refuses to do them. Is it that she can't or she won't? She doesn't even know. It doesn't feel like a test....more like a tunnel she's falling into. Inside that tunnel are all the fears, questions, and self-deprecation. She feels dirty, and she thinks of him, of him spanking her, pulling her hair, slapping her face.
She touches herself. She's still not getting the tasks done. Why must he be so far away? Why can't he spank her now? If he spanked her now would it fix things or would it make it worse? Is this addiction...is this heaven...is this hell...?
She doesn't know. But she just can't be a good girl. Can't or won't.
Powerful thoughts
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