One more week and I will be living with College Guy. For now, I must make due with family visiting for my grad (so I'm deleting all the history on my computer, just finished cleaning up my photo albums, and will conclude with posting on here as I won't be able to do it for at least a week).
And then, I move to live with College Guy.
I've been thinking about my last post, and there is a lot that I left out of the whole story. That last spanking I wrote about was the last real spanking he gave me--definitely not the first of the trip. And every other spanking during the trip had hurt. After every other spanking, I'd picked myself off of his lap and been glad that he stopped when he did.
We had actually attended a spanking party a bit earlier in the trip, and the last spanking at the party had hurt almost too much. Later he told me, "I think you're much more pain sensitive around other people"--to which I soundly protested, "I am not!" But he had a point. I'm still not sure what one is supposed to do when they are being spanked around other people and the spanking starts hurting a lot. Normally, I whimper and wail--it's like my mouth is a channel for the pain or something. At partys though, I start off giggling. Then when it starts hurting and the giggles turn to whimpers, I try to quiet down. I'm just so afraid I'll start yelling and really scare someone else, or make College Guy look like he's being mean or dangerous.
I knew he wanted my last spanking at the party to be his--like Michael Buble's "Save the Last Dance for Me". And he warned me he wasn't going to be nice during it. I"ll have to blog about the fun at the party some other time, but this last spanking is important because, once again, I almost freaked out because of how hard it was. I was over his lap on some kind of hard leather mattress thing that worked great for OTK. He'd warmed me up sort of long with his hand (I will never say "long" because can hand spankings ever be long enough?), and had switched to a new hardwood, circle paddle one of the partiers had just given us. I knew some people were watching, so kept trying to smile and giggle, but that tactic became increasingly difficult. So I turned my head away from the people and hid, trying to keep my whimpers quiet. But the freak out began...What if I couldn't keep quiet? What if I cried in public?
I kicked my legs up, trying to let him know this was not fun. "Settle down." He told me sternly, running the paddle's cool wood along my calves. "Keep your legs out of the way, do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
Darn it, at least the people are far enough away to not hear me talk. "Yes, Sir." --Very softly.
And he kept spanking with that darn paddle. I began to breath hard. To wiggle hard. At one point I told him, "I think I'm done.." He'd warned me that I would get the spanking he wanted to give me that night, and I had been glad and happy that he was going to control it, to do what he wanted. But at that moment, I wished I could take it all back. "College Guy.."
"What?"
"I'm done now."
His response was only, "You're done when I say you're done."
I sighed and lay back down, somehow more at peace with it. But that peace lasted only seconds.
"I'm going to do 20 with this paddle and then you're all done. You're going to count them out loud. Do you understand?"
I was almost burst into tears right there and then. I tried to breathe through the feeling, deeply slowly.
"Bonnie-jo...Bonnie-jo, I asked you a question."
I sat up to look at him, "I really don't know if I can do 20..I'm scared of what I might do with all these people..."
"I"ll take it down to 10. Lay back down."
That was scary. Somehow I made it through. But during counts 3-8, I was one frightened woman.
So how did I go from that--from being scared of 10 swats--to challenging College Guy to basically cane me until his arm gave out? I have no idea...but the feelings during those opposing moments were so different, so alien from one another. Throughout both, I was still a spanko. But both were so extreme.
Where, I ask, is the middle and how do I get there? :(
I'm sure I'll find it. Still the extremes are kind of fun too. This way I get to experience the raw fear discipline can bring, and I also get to ride the high of that "He can kill me with his bare hands and I won't feel a thing. I am woman! Hear me roar!"
One last thought, College Guy told me that if I got in the same kind of mood I was in on Sunday too often, he knew exactly how he'd deal with it. He said he'd not spank me at all. He'd wait an hour, a day, or however long it took for me to leave the mood, and then he's spank me very hard....when I wasn't feeling brave anymore. :) I like that a lot.
And then, I move to live with College Guy.
I've been thinking about my last post, and there is a lot that I left out of the whole story. That last spanking I wrote about was the last real spanking he gave me--definitely not the first of the trip. And every other spanking during the trip had hurt. After every other spanking, I'd picked myself off of his lap and been glad that he stopped when he did.
We had actually attended a spanking party a bit earlier in the trip, and the last spanking at the party had hurt almost too much. Later he told me, "I think you're much more pain sensitive around other people"--to which I soundly protested, "I am not!" But he had a point. I'm still not sure what one is supposed to do when they are being spanked around other people and the spanking starts hurting a lot. Normally, I whimper and wail--it's like my mouth is a channel for the pain or something. At partys though, I start off giggling. Then when it starts hurting and the giggles turn to whimpers, I try to quiet down. I'm just so afraid I'll start yelling and really scare someone else, or make College Guy look like he's being mean or dangerous.
I knew he wanted my last spanking at the party to be his--like Michael Buble's "Save the Last Dance for Me". And he warned me he wasn't going to be nice during it. I"ll have to blog about the fun at the party some other time, but this last spanking is important because, once again, I almost freaked out because of how hard it was. I was over his lap on some kind of hard leather mattress thing that worked great for OTK. He'd warmed me up sort of long with his hand (I will never say "long" because can hand spankings ever be long enough?), and had switched to a new hardwood, circle paddle one of the partiers had just given us. I knew some people were watching, so kept trying to smile and giggle, but that tactic became increasingly difficult. So I turned my head away from the people and hid, trying to keep my whimpers quiet. But the freak out began...What if I couldn't keep quiet? What if I cried in public?
I kicked my legs up, trying to let him know this was not fun. "Settle down." He told me sternly, running the paddle's cool wood along my calves. "Keep your legs out of the way, do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
Darn it, at least the people are far enough away to not hear me talk. "Yes, Sir." --Very softly.
And he kept spanking with that darn paddle. I began to breath hard. To wiggle hard. At one point I told him, "I think I'm done.." He'd warned me that I would get the spanking he wanted to give me that night, and I had been glad and happy that he was going to control it, to do what he wanted. But at that moment, I wished I could take it all back. "College Guy.."
"What?"
"I'm done now."
His response was only, "You're done when I say you're done."
I sighed and lay back down, somehow more at peace with it. But that peace lasted only seconds.
"I'm going to do 20 with this paddle and then you're all done. You're going to count them out loud. Do you understand?"
I was almost burst into tears right there and then. I tried to breathe through the feeling, deeply slowly.
"Bonnie-jo...Bonnie-jo, I asked you a question."
I sat up to look at him, "I really don't know if I can do 20..I'm scared of what I might do with all these people..."
"I"ll take it down to 10. Lay back down."
That was scary. Somehow I made it through. But during counts 3-8, I was one frightened woman.
So how did I go from that--from being scared of 10 swats--to challenging College Guy to basically cane me until his arm gave out? I have no idea...but the feelings during those opposing moments were so different, so alien from one another. Throughout both, I was still a spanko. But both were so extreme.
Where, I ask, is the middle and how do I get there? :(
I'm sure I'll find it. Still the extremes are kind of fun too. This way I get to experience the raw fear discipline can bring, and I also get to ride the high of that "He can kill me with his bare hands and I won't feel a thing. I am woman! Hear me roar!"
One last thought, College Guy told me that if I got in the same kind of mood I was in on Sunday too often, he knew exactly how he'd deal with it. He said he'd not spank me at all. He'd wait an hour, a day, or however long it took for me to leave the mood, and then he's spank me very hard....when I wasn't feeling brave anymore. :) I like that a lot.
No comments:
Post a Comment