I'm sure that most of you have forgotten the other guy who sometimes spanks me--not College Guy--the other guy. You know, the Magician guy. Underneath my blog's title, I say that there are two tops who spank me....but it has been awhile since I've seen My Magician. It's been over 6 months. It's almost been 9. We're trying to plan to see each other this next month. And I'm nervous but happy. It's been forever.
So, I don't really have anything to report on him especially--no scary, dramatic, involved spanking to describe. All I have right now are some reminiscings and a bit of info.
College Guy and I met in person only a month before I met My Magician. The competition, at least in the mind of College Guy, was steady and always present. But now that we've been dating for more than 8 months, we've grown closer, and I believe he feels less competition, less threat. 1.5 years ago (which is how long I've actively been a spanko) there actually was a bit of a threat, which top would I end up becoming closer too, etc. Still, this is hard for College Guy. We went into this relationship saying we could see other people for non-sexual spanking relationships--we're too young not to take advantage of something like that. And yet, College Guy hasn't met up with anyone other than me. And I've had many rendezvous with My Magician. It's been an interesting ride. Needless to say, there has been drama. I will admit that I have been partially to blame, and that a lot of it was out of my hands as well...it was just what happened.
When I first met My Magician, I was blown away by how perfect everything seemed. He was an experienced spanker, he was professional, well-educated and at least twice my age (I like old people). He had that Flight Captain/ Sports coach quality that always makes me wish I were either a stewardess or a dude that likes to wear a helmet and tackle other guys while trying to catch a ball.
The first time we chatted was in a hotel bar, and I remember the feel of the leather seat sticking to the backs of my sweaty upper thighs as my short skirt rode up. There was the lemon zinger that the waitress brought me, and I remember how mad at myself I was when I realized I would be slightly tipsy during my first spanking. After that first night, I hardly ever drank around him again because I never wanted to risk missing parts of a spanking because of tipsiness, and I especially didn't want to ever act out of control or embarrass myself.
That first night he told me my bottom was beautiful. I had been religiously attending aerobics classes for the month beforehand, and breathed a huge sigh of relief. He was using a flogger, and I remember turning to watch him in the mirror across from the bed I was lying on. I could hardly believe my eyes. Some part of my brain captured the moment as though I were outside of myself and was watching it all on a movie screen. The flogger fell lightly across the upturned and pink bottom in the mirror. The bottom did indeed look beautiful, the light from a nearby lamp glowing over it. The man with the flogger struck again and again, and the violence of the movement captivated me. That girl in the mirror is me...that bottom is mine.
It was validation, and I ate it up. This man who'd spanked at least 10 girls before me, this man who had been spanking well for years, this man wanted to see me again. I couldn't believe it. He had a list, and now I would be a girl on that list. I know it may sound unnatractive to some, but I loved that. And in the following months, we wrote emails back and forth (he lives quite aways away). I treated him like a sort of diary, in a way, but he didn't get to see me as I really was--he saw only the parts that I thought were dramatic, exciting, or romantic. He became the person I'd complain to about College Guy or any boy problems in general. And he was and is an awesome emailer.
But I never asked hard questions. I did at first somewhat, but the more I liked My Magician, the more I didn't want to know if the answer could possibly be one I didn't like. And I tried hard not to let him see the annoying, fearful, self-pleasing, and lazy person I could be.
The hard questions come back to bite you. So they did. And it made me take a fresh look at My Magician and at myself. It was a painful look.
Sometimes you have to be reminded who you actually are. I had to remember that I was an adult and that he was an adult. Even though I had attempted to play an adult around him, I still felt like and ultimately wanted to act like a little girl.
Things happened. I had done some very hurtful things to College Guy in the recent past; but on the positive, College Guy and I started growing into our relationship. The two men and their ideas of what I should be doing with them collided, and there was an argument, a line drawn in the sand. My Magician planned to see me after it had been way too long, and then, beause of this arguement and line drawn, he changed his mind and cancelled his flight only the day before. And I felt abandoned. Pure and simple. He was doing what was best for him at the time, and I know that now. But I wanted to do nothing more than see him, and tell him how hurt I felt. Maybe throw myself on the ground and kick and punch it like some two year old.
And then I asked a hard question and I didn't like the answer.
"A person's a person no matter how small" says Dr. Seuss...and I would add "no matter how tall", or no matter how high they are put on a pedestal in the mind of Bonnie-jo, they are still a person.
And yet, I still write him, and he still writes me. And I still like him and his company. I still fantasize about being over his knee. And we still are planning to see each other soon. But I don't know where that little girl went who played at being the adult. Maybe she grew up and is now that adult. Maybe I don't want her gone, but mabye it's better that way. Maybe.
So, I don't really have anything to report on him especially--no scary, dramatic, involved spanking to describe. All I have right now are some reminiscings and a bit of info.
College Guy and I met in person only a month before I met My Magician. The competition, at least in the mind of College Guy, was steady and always present. But now that we've been dating for more than 8 months, we've grown closer, and I believe he feels less competition, less threat. 1.5 years ago (which is how long I've actively been a spanko) there actually was a bit of a threat, which top would I end up becoming closer too, etc. Still, this is hard for College Guy. We went into this relationship saying we could see other people for non-sexual spanking relationships--we're too young not to take advantage of something like that. And yet, College Guy hasn't met up with anyone other than me. And I've had many rendezvous with My Magician. It's been an interesting ride. Needless to say, there has been drama. I will admit that I have been partially to blame, and that a lot of it was out of my hands as well...it was just what happened.
When I first met My Magician, I was blown away by how perfect everything seemed. He was an experienced spanker, he was professional, well-educated and at least twice my age (I like old people). He had that Flight Captain/ Sports coach quality that always makes me wish I were either a stewardess or a dude that likes to wear a helmet and tackle other guys while trying to catch a ball.
The first time we chatted was in a hotel bar, and I remember the feel of the leather seat sticking to the backs of my sweaty upper thighs as my short skirt rode up. There was the lemon zinger that the waitress brought me, and I remember how mad at myself I was when I realized I would be slightly tipsy during my first spanking. After that first night, I hardly ever drank around him again because I never wanted to risk missing parts of a spanking because of tipsiness, and I especially didn't want to ever act out of control or embarrass myself.
That first night he told me my bottom was beautiful. I had been religiously attending aerobics classes for the month beforehand, and breathed a huge sigh of relief. He was using a flogger, and I remember turning to watch him in the mirror across from the bed I was lying on. I could hardly believe my eyes. Some part of my brain captured the moment as though I were outside of myself and was watching it all on a movie screen. The flogger fell lightly across the upturned and pink bottom in the mirror. The bottom did indeed look beautiful, the light from a nearby lamp glowing over it. The man with the flogger struck again and again, and the violence of the movement captivated me. That girl in the mirror is me...that bottom is mine.
It was validation, and I ate it up. This man who'd spanked at least 10 girls before me, this man who had been spanking well for years, this man wanted to see me again. I couldn't believe it. He had a list, and now I would be a girl on that list. I know it may sound unnatractive to some, but I loved that. And in the following months, we wrote emails back and forth (he lives quite aways away). I treated him like a sort of diary, in a way, but he didn't get to see me as I really was--he saw only the parts that I thought were dramatic, exciting, or romantic. He became the person I'd complain to about College Guy or any boy problems in general. And he was and is an awesome emailer.
But I never asked hard questions. I did at first somewhat, but the more I liked My Magician, the more I didn't want to know if the answer could possibly be one I didn't like. And I tried hard not to let him see the annoying, fearful, self-pleasing, and lazy person I could be.
The hard questions come back to bite you. So they did. And it made me take a fresh look at My Magician and at myself. It was a painful look.
Sometimes you have to be reminded who you actually are. I had to remember that I was an adult and that he was an adult. Even though I had attempted to play an adult around him, I still felt like and ultimately wanted to act like a little girl.
Things happened. I had done some very hurtful things to College Guy in the recent past; but on the positive, College Guy and I started growing into our relationship. The two men and their ideas of what I should be doing with them collided, and there was an argument, a line drawn in the sand. My Magician planned to see me after it had been way too long, and then, beause of this arguement and line drawn, he changed his mind and cancelled his flight only the day before. And I felt abandoned. Pure and simple. He was doing what was best for him at the time, and I know that now. But I wanted to do nothing more than see him, and tell him how hurt I felt. Maybe throw myself on the ground and kick and punch it like some two year old.
And then I asked a hard question and I didn't like the answer.
"A person's a person no matter how small" says Dr. Seuss...and I would add "no matter how tall", or no matter how high they are put on a pedestal in the mind of Bonnie-jo, they are still a person.
And yet, I still write him, and he still writes me. And I still like him and his company. I still fantasize about being over his knee. And we still are planning to see each other soon. But I don't know where that little girl went who played at being the adult. Maybe she grew up and is now that adult. Maybe I don't want her gone, but mabye it's better that way. Maybe.
"That first night he told me my bottom was beautiful. I had been religiously attending aerobics classes for the month beforehand, and breathed a huge sigh of relief." LOL, why does nobody ever write about these aspects of domestic discipline? Thanks for finally bringing it up ;-)
ReplyDeleteLol! Your most welcome, Tina. Leg press machines and jogging on treadmills have supplanted the aerobics..aerobics are expensive. :p
ReplyDeleteHave you ever heard guys being self-conscious about that area?
I like this post, Bonnie-jo, because it objectively describes uncertainties, and uncertainties are part of life. Not all problems get solved, not all uncertainties get resolved. Your post leaves us thinking about what could or could not develop, just as some good novels do when you come to the end.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, some guys are self-conscious about "that area." I would have thought the machines more expensive than the aerobics - I'm obviously wrong there.
Hi Malcom,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you don't mind (or at least accept) uncertainties. They are there, so we have to do something with them.
The college I go to has a free gymn (well, "free"--one that every student is forced to pay up for in their student bill). Thus machines are free. Aerobics classes have an extra fee...so I don't pay it and don't go. Too bad though. I love aerobics. "Right, and left, and back, lookin' good, ladies, keep it up!"