10.13.2012

Updates, Spankings, Sex and More

Okay, update ya'll...I think I'm in a better place than I have been lately.  Update from my last post--College Guy is not tutoring that girl from his job, the one I was freaking out so much about.  She ended up dropping her class, and my scary moment has passed me by until next time....

And maybe, just maybe I am in a better place.  I love my job.  We've just moved to a new apartment, and..well..we've been talking about getting engaged.  I honestly feel so girly about it (i.e. thinking a ton about what ring I want and not "do I want to get married???) I think maybe that is my way of coping with the stress of acknowledging that I might actually want to marry him.  I don't think I'm ready right now.  So much of me does not want to be any man's wife.  I feel like being a wife is being too vulnerable, to needy, too dependent.  Do I really want him and only him? Do I really want us to be faithful to one another, to promise that we will try to make it for our whole lives long?  Could I possibly believe him if he says that he wants me that way? I don't know.

So a couple weeks ago, College Guy spanked me before studying for his stats class.  It was a fun, relaxing spanking, just hand.  It was at night, and I was in my pajamas, and I remember wishing I didn't have to get off his lap so he could study.  I lay there, my eyes closed, loving the safe way I felt sprawled over his lap.

Then I felt the weight of his book on my back.  "Do you want me to get off?" I asked.

"Nope. Just stay there."

The weight of the book and his hands as he held it in place felt so perfect, as I sighed my contentment.  I wasn't falling asleep, but I was so relaxed.  The book rubbed my back softly as he wrote numbers down.  I thought about months ago, when I'd hinted to him something I'd read on a kinky blog about being a piece of "human furniture".  I know he hadn't probably thought about that for awhile and that this was not the kind of thing he was shooting for by placing his book on me.  But I felt submissive and close to him and relaxed and just perfect.  So nice...

Then just a couple days ago, we both returned from a busy weekend spent with friends and family, and we had sex.  Readers who may have happened upon my blog might not know that I really have had a hard time having sex at all in the past and that sex is still very slow going for me.  But this time, it went pretty well.  I still have a hard time relaxing and enjoying all parts of it, but it's getting better.

I find that I can relax in all the right places and really be prepared for him if he's being dominating or controlling when we try to have sex.  So this time, about halfway through our lovemaking, I said something or did something, probably squirmed to try to make him come out of me.  I don't remember exactly what I had done now that I'm trying to remember.  But I remember his reaction.  It was like when he spanks me and he's not going hard enough and I somehow let him know and all hell lets loose.  This was similar.  He thrust so hard and fast into me that I all I could do was gasp and melt inside.  Now, it wasn't mean or cruel, and it was only one thrust.  But normally for me, having sex and him making such a violent motion would be a lot for me to handle.  But instead of freaking out about it,  I actually felt more open, more relaxed and so much more desirous of him.

So life is good.  :) I don't know how much longer I will keep writing in this blog.  I feel like I'm slowly trickling down into not writing at all, or if I write, writing a bunch of stuff that no one especially wants to read.  We shall see.  

3 comments:

  1. For whatever reason, I came and read here today and I have to add my two cents in about marriage... if you think it will be anything other than an absolute must, then you could probably benefit from waiting before leaping. As in you absolutely must be with this person. No matter what. In whatever way they want you.

    (I am not talking about submission here so much as just mind blowing love.) Life is long; marriage can be longer...

    Other than that, I am glad life is good. :)

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  2. If he asks you and you say no or not right now, he won't ask again.

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